Ultimababe scrolls up. Everything "OK".

Ultimababe grins triumphantly soon after the scroll up.

WHITEHILL, Scotland -- Controversial irc user "ultimababe" shocked the world yesterday when she scrolled up, and then proclaimed everything was now "OK".

Eighteen people died and 81 others were injured during the scrolling incident, but given the end result, these losses are now being viewed as acceptable, a regional police spokesman said.

In the neighbouring country of England two police bomb experts died when a suspect car they were inspecting exploded. This is so far considered an unrelated event.

Following the already legendary scroll, people soon found all of their problems had disappeared and everything was indeed "OK". A tearful Saddam Hussein called a press conference soon after the event. "I have seen the light.. war and aggression are foolish pursuits. I will dedicate my life from here on out to collecting butterflies and teddy bears. My only regret is that Iraq has no grassy field for me to skip through while wearing a sun dress and pretty bonnet."

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There was no immediate explanation for why ultimababe decided to scroll up, but she later had this response to reporters as she was running from her limo to a pub in Gloucester: "Get ureself to fuck u perverted fuck head".

In light of the "scrolling incident", as it has come to be called, the world leaders have called a summit in which they plan to put all arguments aside and play a monumental game of nude twister. "It's all ok, ultimababe said so," commented U.S. President George W. Bush, when asked about the event.

Ultimababe has already developed a cult following since the historic scroll. I group of a 150 drunken Scots waving what they claimed to be scroll bars, but which appeared to be nothing more than sticks and kricket clubs, stormed the shores of France in the early morning hours, taking over the country and renaming it "Scrollupia". Ultimababe is said to be moving her estate there within the hour.

The world is still recovering from the scrolling incident today, as shockwaves caused by the event cause unexpected but pleasant changes. "We're not sure how our research could have missed this, but since the scrolling incident, we have found that the ingestion of chocolate has the unique ability to cure cancer and promote longevity," a spokewoman for the American Cancer Society anounced this morning.

"I realize now I was being crazy and irrational," said a tearful Terry Cooksey in a radio broadcast. "I take back everything I've ever said. It's all Ok. It's all cool."

Ultimababe's new home in Scrollupia.

"When ultimababe said everything was Ok, I though it meant I'd finally have a fast connection to the internet," commented Ook, one of ultimababe's legion of followers. "It didn't. My connection is still bog ass slow, but I'm ok with it now. I just want to go pick flowers. Software is for the birds."

Only one death has occurred in the entire world since the scrolling incident. Microsoft chairman Bill Gates spontaneously combusted soon after the event. Officials are still investigating the scene.

The Associated Press & Reuters contributed to this report.

Eight found murdered in Chechnya
March 23, 2001
Freed jet hostages heading home
March 17, 2001
Chechen rebel suspects held
March 11, 2001
Three dead in Russian market blasts
December 8, 2000

Human Rights Watch: Chechnya
Russian Government
Chechen rebels

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